They Call Me Junebug

"Today is gonna be the day"

Today I had lunch with a dear friend I used to work with. When I left my previous job in May, leaving her behind was one of the hardest parts. She was the only way I had survived in such a horrible place for as long as I did, and was my daily confidant and sounding board and the one person who in the midst of misery could make me smile while I was at work.

Our offices are only 15 minutes apart, our homes are only 15 minutes apart, yet we still have only seen each other 2 in the last 5 months, today making the 3rd lunch date. Why we live and work so close together and can’t seem to make time out of our “real” lives to get together, I haven’t quite figured out. It makes me sad, but obviously not enough to change things, at least not yet. Today though, it really hit home how much I miss female companionship and friendship.

After a wonderful lunch of gossip, laughter and promises to hang out, I braved the humid drizzle and drove back to my office. As I was sitting at a light, I turned the radio up to hear what used to be one of my favorite songs, and one that still makes me think.

Wonderwall


I’ve never quite known what they meant by a “wonderwall”, but I’ve always used it in conjunction with the line about saving me. People in my life that have saved me from something (usually from myself) become my wonderwall. When I stop to think about my wonderwalls, they don’t stack up like I imagined they would. Sure, people like parents and friends save me from making mistakes on a daily basis, but the ones that really have made an impact in my life, the ones who have saved me from making mistakes that I might never have recovered from, weren’t who I thought they’d be.

My best friend growing up that I loved with all of my heart since I was 8 years old, he never loved me back the way I wanted, and he broke my heart. But he was my wonderwall. He saved me from marrying the wrong man, from settling for less than what I deserved. By being the standard to which I held all other men and relationships, he saved me from making some of the biggest mistakes of my life. And he never even knew it. When I met my husband, I knew he was the one. He was the only man I had ever met who made me forget about the friend I held so high and “loved” so much.

My ex-boyfriend who I never really and truly loved that I rejoiced when I broke up with, he saved me from myself. He was my wonderwall at a time when I needed someone to protect me from the demons in myself, someone who watched out for me and protected me when I couldn’t protect myself. If it wasn’t for him, I probably wouldn’t be alive today. I always felt badly that I couldn’t love him, after all that he had done for me, but he will always be my wonderwall.

My dear friend and co-worker who I had lunch with today, she’s been my wonderwall on more than one occasion. An ill-advised, on the rebound office romance gone bad, she saved me from making a huge post-happy hour drunken mistake that could have ruined more than I ever realized. She saved me from sacrificing a career and a much-need paycheck every 2 weeks when she talked me out of quitting numerous times as I faced utter incompetence and blithe disregard for any manner of professional and ethical rules by various coworkers and managers. She saved me from walking out of a admittedly horrible situation by any standard, and I hated her for it some days. I never appreciated it and I accused her of being just as dirty and underhanded as the administration I fought against. But by her actions, I stayed, and as a result I landed the job I have today. Which I love and enjoy and gives me self-confidence and satisfaction I never knew existed in the 8-5 world.

3 people, who are not my family, or my husband, or my closest of bosom buddies have saved me. They have been my wonderwalls, people I will always be grateful to and for, regardless of our relationship or lack thereof.

posted by The Call Me Junebug @ 3:31 PM