They Call Me Junebug

I am Wylie Coyote. Genius.


I've been a daughter for 24 years. I've been a sister for 19 of those and an employee for 6.

I've been a wife for 6 months, a house owner for 4 months and dog owner for 1 month.

I’m bossy, insecure, demanding, anal, controlling, sarcastic, sometimes intelligent and occasionally funny.

But who am I? I don’t know. I do know this:

I’m the girl who got a Carebear for her 2nd birthday from the grandfather I never got the chance to know.

I’m the girl who lived on a ranch, in a houseful of boys whose parents didn’t love them enough to take care of them, so mine did.

I’m the girl who lived below the poverty level in Birmingham, Alabama, where a running car and food were a blessing, not a right. Central heating and air conditioning didn’t exist in my world. I’ll always remember creaky floors, frozen pipes, kerosene heaters, rooms without doors, vegetable gardens and playing outside.

I’m the girl who told my parents that my life was just fine till my brother came along. And when my sister came along. And when my other sister came. And the next sister. By the time the last brother came along, I was 16 and decided siblings were kinda cool, even if there were 5 of them.

I’m the girl who ran into a parked car while running backwards down my street. I also said “brrr, I’m dizzy”. Hey, we all make mistakes.

I’m the girl who fell in love at 8 years old, and enjoyed having my heart broken for the next 12 years.

I’m the girl who wanted to be anywhere but under my parent’s roof, who chafed and fought and longed to be free. I learned a lesson, one that I just finished paying off of my credit cards in April, 5 years after I moved out.

I’m the girl who got an engagement ring for my 20th birthday, and gave it back 6 months later. That I gave it back and called it off showed that maybe I was more mature than we could have hoped, but if I’d been really mature, I never would have taken it in the first place. One of those irritating live and learn situations.

I’m the girl who can’t and never has been able to do the “Spock”. You know, “live long and prosper”? My dad has always found this amusing, and has been known to lead my entire family in taunting me with their perfectly separated fingers.

I’m the girl who’s parents are still together after 26 years of marriage. Most of those 26 years were harder than not, fraught with no money, no time, no job, 6 kids, no house, getting a job, getting a house and growing old. Surprisingly, the years filled with money and security didn’t always make married life easier, instead it brought it’s own set of obstacles.

I’m the girl who wanted to have all of my 4 children by the time I’m 30. I’m 24 ½, with no kids. With 5 ½ more years to churn out 4 babies, I’m crossing my fingers for twins.

I’m the girl who’s best friend is in Africa, fighting for the orphans of Sudan, fighting to give them food and shelter, education and love. Sometimes, she fights for their lives, battling malaria, meningitis, famine, drought and rebel armies. I pray that one day she doesn’t have to fight for her life.

I’m the girl who bought a house, where the upstairs AC didn’t work. In July, In Texas. It was a hot summer.

I’m the girl who has always been able to take or leave animals of any kind, and yet now I have a Great Dane who I spoil rotten. If I could get him to stop slowly edging me off the couch when we nap, I’d be happy.

I’m the girl who wasn’t crazy, just a little unwell in 2003. I’m better now. I think.

I’m the girl who met my husband at a Super Bowl party. He was there to hit on another woman. She never showed. I don’t think it was a coincidence.

I’m the girl who got my heart broken but hung around anyway, because I believed in him. It could have turned out like so many other stories, girl waits and waits and waits around on a man who never grows up or never treats her right, but it didn’t. I don’t think it was a coincidence.

I'm the girl who married the right man for me, a man that I would have never picked out of a crowd or based on his likes, dislikes, strengths or weaknesses. Nevertheless, he's perfect for me. I don't think it's a coincidence.

I’m the girl who loves my family, loves my husband, loves God, loves my job, and yet sometimes feel sad and alone. I’m sure no one else has ever felt this way before.

I’m the girl who wants to do something in my life that is noteworthy. I think I’d like to be a writer, but I read and read and read, and I never find something that makes me think that I could write anything half as interesting. And that's saying something, since I read some really crappy stuff.

I’m the girl who would like to have a hobby, but have yet to find something that entertains me more than TV or a book. Sewing sometimes amuses me, but not as often as Gilmore Girls.

I’m the girl who hopes to one day be a good wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend and maybe normal.

I’m a girl they call Junebug.